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Am I Invisible??

Hey everyone! I am back with another post. I have been making some provisions in my life recently that are beneficial for my future that I would love to share with you, but for right now I just need to vent. I hope you all don't mind. There have some things that have been bothering me lately and I feel like I can't express myself. If I do express how I am feeling, it feels like it goes to deaf ears most times. This is one of the reasons why I wanted to start my blog- this is for me to voice my thoughts, as well as do lifestyle and advertising local business blogs.

Since September 13th until today, I have been through hell and a lot of mixed emotions. The hell part is my car's transmission is going out and now I am searching for another vehicle faster than I expected, and the mixed emotions are how I am feeling when no one is listening and understanding my personality and/or they are downing me. I felt invisible for a long time and I just hold everything in. I didn't want people to feel like I am playing the victim role so I never said anything. I realized that I have to learn to try and speak up more because it can lead to depression. I feel invisible...

I am the type of person that would do any and everything for the people that I love in my life, especially if I see the potential in someone. What I mean by that is if I see that someone is really trying and they are down and out, if I have resources that will help I will give my all. There are many times that I can be too trusting and allow someone to walk all over me, but recently I have learned to speak up more or I just push myself away from that person. Sometimes I get criticized for the things I do but I serve a GOD.... that will bless me for being a blessing to someone else. You may ask where this comes from, well this is another part of my life that I feel invisible. This is where some people make me feel belittled or they chastise me for being optimistic and me just being my normal self- helping others. I often call myself the problem solver because I feel that every situation has a solution (although it didn't feel like that this past week and I didn't take my own advice, which I am now realizing :-D). I feel invisible...

No one knows this but there are some days that I feel like no one wants me in their life. I know that what I just said is powerful and it can interpret in a lot of ways but I want you to let that sink in. I feel like I am just a figure in someone's life when it is convenient. To be quite honest, this feeling goes all the way back into when I was a teenager. I also blocked a lot of friendships and relationships because I didn't know if it was genuine or if it was fake, as well as my self-confidence issues. There was even a moment where I felt like some people were trying to control my life, without me actually learning how to fall and get back up. Although I was always hurting on the inside, I am still moving with a smile on my face to hide how I am realling feeling. At this point, I was definitely invisible....

I know this was a deep post but this is the only way I felt that people will understand me and actually get how I am feeling. This was not targeted at anyone, this is just me getting some things off my chest and to speak my truth. I realized that I can't allow my feelings to stat closed up in me because it will affect my body physically and mentally. Please forgive me for being vulnerable and actually trying to open up more for the first time. As previously mentioned, there are some provisions in my life that I would love to discuss with you all in the next blog post. I am really excited about it and I feel that this is what is going to make me happy and I can do the things that I WANT TO DO! No more of me being invisible. From now on, if I come off too blunt please forgive me in advance.

Pieces of me,

Kendria NaCol

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