This post is going to be different and may be short. It is important for me to get things off of my chest, and not hold on to so much to the point that I explode. I repeat, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT! That was a part of the reason for my blogs. Not just to give daily life updates, questions, and different random shit. It was also my way to vent because sometimes I don't know how to vent vocally. Disclaimer: anything that I say on this blog is not geared to no one, or one thing in particular; I am talking about in general.
Why does it feel like I get the short end of the stick sometimes? I feel that because I help and do a lot of things, I sometimes don't experience life. You may say, "Kendria, you have the choice to go do what you want, whenever you want. You are grown, blah, blah, blah." What most people don't realize is that I feel like it's my obligation. I feel that I am obligated on a lot of things and that is why I have not experienced life. That's how I became a hermit (and not for religion). You know when someone becomes a hermit, that person can fall in a deep depression. So yes, I have been a "hermit" for YEARS. I also feel that I could have experienced life too if I wasn't a hermit as well. I could have dated more when I was younger, and I would not give a damn of what others thought and just be selfish. I was not raised to be selfish so sometimes it hinders me, because my kindness can be taken for granted.
Another thing is sometimes I feel like I can't express myself, like I want to. I hold back my feelings on things just to save face, and to not cause disagreements with a lot of things, or people. Now, I am not saying I am a perfect person, but I am a person that hate confrontations and conflict. If I feel that something is going to happen, I will walk away. If no one is grown enough to have an actual conversation without an attitude, then the conversation is not for me, until that person calms down. There is always a way to handle things and things can get solved in when everyone is level headed or things are in order.
If some people don't understand a little bit more about me after this, then I don't know what else to do, but please don't coddle me or act different around me. I am still Kendria, just venting and explaining how I have been feeling. I have literally cried this whole time typing everything out. This whole blog post is literally free typed; I did not have any breaks in between, nor rereading this. I am going to publish it just like this. This shows how I am feeling right now and shows that I am tired. I apologize if this post sounds everywhere and out of place, as it is what I am currently feeling in my mind. My mind is everywhere right now..... Until next time.
Pieces of Me,